Davis, California, apparently, is the home to every bicycle in the universe. Its insane, really.
The three hour time difference makes me feel strange.
The Bachelor: Rome is one of television's dumbest programs. Any show where the main rule is "make out with girl" isn't really a show at all.
The Patriots rule and the vikings do not.
Wine is really good.
Drinking eighty glasses of wine in twelve minutes shouldn't be good...but it is.
'Studio 60' is going to be cancelled and I think its further proof that television is made for people that aren't interested in thinking, rather its made for those who like to watch LC and Mischa Barton.
KFC has some of television's worst commercials. Nobody wants one of KFC's "famous bowls" - nobody. Not even the people who starred in the commercials, who were given free "famous bowls", ate them.
Assistant Director: Eat one of these KFC "famous bowls". Actor: No. AD: Please? Actor: No.
I missed an office party today. I don't quite know what to say. Am I upset that I missed a whole lot of standing around, awkwardly, as some people imbibe and others literally shovel finger foods into their mouths? Probably not. Am I upset that I missed making fun of it with my friends? Probably.
My sis tells me that Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon are separated now. Thats sad. They seemed nice together. Such a sad sitch. They've got kids. Hopefully it was a mutual thing.
Much to the chagrin of my friend Dina, Ben Roethlisberger quarterbacked to the best of his ability this past Sunday. He completed a lot of his passes - sadly, most of them to the wrong team. Maybe thats why Cowher wanted to retire at the end of this season.
By the way, no true tater of the week! I had a whole bunch grouped together at one. Good luck this week, you people.
I'm Going on Vacation; Katie is Funny! - October 27th, 2006
Heres the deal, people. I'm going to be on vacay for the next week or so. While I will have internet access, theres a very strong chance that I may be too lazy to attempt to update "you people" (as I shall call my readers from this day forth) in the highly detailed, verbose custom you people are used to.
You may get a periodic word or two from me (most likely from the middle ages or from the victorian era). If so, enjoy it and relish it - as the next word may not come for a while.
My sister Katie and I were discussing the crap of all these new airport rules, ie - you have to present all your bathroomables in a clear plastic bag, for all the world to see. Hell, your flight will be safer, but the girl sitting next to you will inevitably comment that you both use the same facewash. Awk-ward.
And so I present to you people, Katie, my sister, who is about to unleash more funny on to you than you could possible handle. Therefore, she rules. Enjoy:
Speaking of crap — saw Meatloaf performing on the Today show this morning — whoa.
He sang “I would do anything for love”
I was thinking “I would do anything not to hear this song ever again."
That, you people, is hilarious. My family has talent. Chew on that!
Don't Make Me Have to Murray Yall Again - October 25th, 2006
The Sound of Music would have been much better if it was claymation.
I know that Scott Weinger didn't sing the songs in Aladdin (the same way JTT didnt sing his in the Lion King), but its much funnier to skip over a paragraphs worth of text explaining who exactly Brad Kane is. Brad Kane just isn't funny. Neither is a ginormous paragraph explaining a whole bunch of unnecessary stuff...kinda like this one is doing. But now you know the real deal, courtesy of Andy.
In preparations for their plan to rule over the world, Reebok has quietly been planning to overhaul uniforms for pretty much everyone on earth that wears them. Here is one fan's mockup of what the Philadelphia Flyers will be wearing, as well as one for the Bruins. Next on the agenda, the Reebok sweat wicking bridal gown.
This year, Conan O'Brien will be repeating his Halloween episode from last year.
You: Tom, thats hardly newsworthy. Me: Don't tell me my business, devil woman. You: But I am a sexless, random mass of people! You can't just call me a devil woman! Me: First off, how much sex you get is out of my hands, and C, I can say whatever I want. This is my blog. You: Prove it. Me: Applesauce. You: Again, hardly anything newsworthy. Me: You're right! You: Yesssssssssss. Me: However, I just made you think of applesauce and you could do nothing to stop me. Just then, you were thinking about applesauce. You: (pause) You're right. I am now vanquished and you are my vanquisher. I guess that makes me vanquishee and you vanquisher. Me: Quiet.
Before I was so rudely interrupted, I was saying that Conan is planning on repeating last years Halloween episode this year. Why is this newsworthy? Because everyone on the show will be presented in "skelevision"! )(ie - everyone will be a skeleton.) We should all collectively be excited, because Conan = life. Hail Conan. Or me. Maybe even both.
More from the Geico caveman!
Honestly, why does Coldplay approve of things like this? (Please don't watch the entire thing, like I did. Please.)
Something about this kid is obnoxiously soothing. No wait, I'm wrong. (Start halfway through or so - its unnecessarily long. Anyone else see a young Jack Lemmon?)
One more Star Wars thing, though I made sure to save the best one for last.
Drew Bledsoe, as of right now is no longer the starter for the Dallas 1996 New England Patriots Minus Ben Coates'. Drew Bledsoe's amazing football talent has earned him a seat on the bench. I laugh, heartily. Mwahahahahahaha. Ahem.
By the way, if Bledsoe does get cut, whomever signs him gets a great two-for-one deal. With the signing of Drew Bledsoe, your team automatically receives a linebacker attached to his hip, sacking him. What a deal!
This turtle is da bomb! (thanks to bethy and to cuteoverload.com)
Thats right, da bomb! I went all Murray on yall. Can you deal with that? No, you can't.
Refrigerators Refrigerators are pretty cool. A relative mainstay in kitchens and hot air balloons since the medieval times, refrigerators have fooded people up for a looooong time. In the refrigerator world, some are tall, while others are not. These smaller ones are almost always relegated to dormitories or abodes of human males. In the oft chance you see a human female with one of the more lilliputian of refrigerators, rest assured she is either cleaning it out before selling it at a garage sale, or simply carrying it to a pile to be thrown away.
Some open from the center, and to the chagrin of many, some do not. Why a World Refrigerator Governing body hasn't been established to make a consistent template for all refrigeration machines is beyond me - we'd all benefit from their decisiveness.
Amazingly, refrigerator evolution (and natural selection) is progressing to the point where refrigerators are starting to weed out those of their own that do not have televisions built into their doors. (Remember when fridges that had that little space to get water and ice were the big deal? Who uses crushed ice anyway? What the g)
Some refrigerators are celebrities. In fact, most people don't know that refrigerators played an important role in the original screenplay for the 'Back to the Future' film trilogy (as part of the time machine). Other refrigerators had more attainable goals: some realized their place in the world and did nothing more than put a sincere scare into Punky Brewster's best friend.
In spite of that last point, I think refrigerators are just swell. Really swell.
Phone Booths You know, most people (including myself) are also unaware of the fact that the original lyric was "where have you gone crazy telephone booths", but apparently Simon thought Garfunkel was a bit too high when he suggested it. Quoted:
"Art, you damned fool. Don't talk anymore, just sing in a really high pitched voice. Yes, thats it, just like a girl."
Art finally gave in and let Paul work with some-guy Nichols who was filming a movie with some-guy Hoffman and some-old lady Bancroft. Back to my point..."where have you gone you crazy telephone booths?!" I saw a phone booth the other day and was completely shocked. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen a telephone booth. Honestly, when was the last time you saw one.
Just for the record, I'm not talking about this:
I'm talking about this (though the ones with a door are better):
I think sometime between Bell Atlantic and Verizon, the phone booth decided to call it quits and retire to Boca (phase 2, though some are in phase 3). Those that are still present either didn't get the memo or were never supposed to, because they probably had pissed off their phone boothy siblings somehow. (Most common was the prank of phone booth tipping - in the close knit world of phone booths, to tip over one of your kind was tantamount to murder. This has all since been forgotten, as the time of the phone booth was abruptly ended with the advent of cellular phoning.)
Nevertheless, Phone Booths are rare and I miss them all. I used to pretend to be Superman or Maxwell Smart in phone booths. Now I can't, because there aren't any left. Well, that and I'd look kinda silly...but mostly the first reason. Memories.
That Song from Aladdin Flying on a magic carpet over the majestic sands of wherever the hell Aladdin lives really would let you see "a whole new world". Who wouldn't want to risk his or her own life on a cheap carpet that acts remarkably like a dog despite the fact that it has no animal like features (I'm not counting the frills on each corner that were like paws and such) and is not, in fact, an animal at all.
Thats right, we all would take that risk. We all would.
We'd all love to chill with Abu and his teeny-tiny hat. (He squeaks instead of talking - thats adorable!) We're all secretly desperate to have DJ's boyfriend seranade us as we basically fall through the sky on a dollar store rug. And who wouldn't want to wear snazzy vests and MC Hammer pants all day long? You? You're trying to tell me that that isnt your idea of an awesome outfit? Ha, I laugh at you. Ha. I did it once more, for emphasis.
Wesley Snipes - wait, lets try that again - the brilliant Wesley Snipes is refusing to return to the United States after the whole tax fraud thing came up until he completes the movie he's working on. Even though there are a few po-po's looking to arrest him, he plans on staying in Africa through the project's completion. Come on, Snipes, as if another movie would actually help your career. What world are you living in, thinking you're famous and skipping out on your taxes.
And lastly, rather than give her two weeks to her company, a close friend of mine chose to give her four days. Four is the new fourteen. Impressive.
mondaysTOMthoughts on a Tuesday - October 24th, 2006
Honestly party people, blogger.com wouldnt let me update my blog yesterday. Heres yesterday's post:
The one and only, Evan. Congrats.
In news thats really too far out there to understand, CBS' 'Guiding Light' soap opera plans to have a Marvel Comics superhero inserted into one of their brilliantly written, mindnumbingly creative story arcs. My assumption is that said superhero will be the illegitimate son of a woman who cheated on her husband with his brother while on the way to her own mothers baby shower (her own mother also choosing to have an affair with her daughters husbands brother) and and then theres some cursing and some weird longing stares and some cheesy music and then a few more stares, though these ones more devious in their nature and tone, and then someone gets laid in a room thats so overdone even Donald Trump wouldn't sleep there and then, over the next few days, the entire process repeats itself. Soap operas are a little redundant redundant, aren't they?
I guess my point is this: How by the beard of Zeus does Marvel Comics think this is a good idea?
Apparently there is a Fraggle Rock character named "Boober". That amuses me. Additionally, Ahmet Zappa wants to make Fraggle Rock into a feature film. That too amuses me. Boober and Ahmet, back in action.
However, that Boober and this Boober are different. Much different.
Here is one of Perrier's halloween print ads, one of the more creative ads you're likely to see. Remember it. There may be a quiz later.
Heather Mills isn't doing too well lately. Rumors are spreading that she'll only receive $3 mil of Sir Paul's fortune (others bring the number towards $40 mil), shes kinda gross looking, and then this bombshell: apparently, even her father doesn't believe her. He called her a liar recently and said that shes doing the same thing to Sir Paul that she did to him. While he could not afford to fight her claims, he's cheering on Sir Paul because he can afford it. He goes on to say that "...Heather is mad. She's doing it for the money." Well done Millsy, again, well done.
Last night Jeff Daniels performed in Philadelphia. Let me tell you something, that guy is talented and funny and straight up awesome. He's played the guitar for a while now, pretty much writing songs whenever inspiration strikes. Last night he came into town and played us some songs as his beloved Detroit Tigers played game two of the World Series. I was impressed. (Axel Rose would have stayed in his hotel room.) Opening for him was Luke Doucet, a pretty cool guitarist - check both of them out, they're on iTunes as well as Amazon. It was a great Sunday evening.
I just stole an eraser. Although I rarely use pencils (read: never), I still feel that having this parallelogram-ish Papermate 'Pink Pearl' eraser will better help me cope with my mistakes. Sadly, this 'Pink Pearl' will do nothing to help rid me of the memories of my 8th grade girlfriend who politely asked my permission to date some other dude in addition to me...or my brief interest in 'Death Cab for Cutie'...or my apparent lack of hatred for that Fergie cd. Sigh.
A Whole Lot about Helena Bonham Carter - October 18th, 2006
First things first, Andy is the first ever Tater of the Week. Well done! If you're jealous, submit fun stuff to me at Tommentary@gmail.com. And yes, thats a double dare...
Here is the offish award for Taters of the Week, and my good friend Andy:
Now lets go bizzers, I'm anxious to get back into the swing, yo!
Christopher Walken's mother seems like a fantastic way to get started. He's very soothing. So soothing, in fact, that Celestial Seasonings is making a new version of their Sleepytime tea, entitled "Chris Walken's Go to Sleepy Now, Don't Make Me Ask Again Tea".
I'm getting better, photoshop wise! Huzzah!
In, no f'n surprise news, Helena Bonham Carter is set to appear in Tim Burton's rendition of 'Sweeney Todd'. No way! Helena Bonham Carter? The very same HBC who has appeared in every single movie by Burton, her husband, ever? And even the ones she wasn't in, he went back and George Lucas-ed her back into it? Wow, I am so surprised to hear that Burton has cast his wife in another of one of his films, that is so unlike him!
For the record, the HBC looks like a creepier version of Christina Ricci, something I never fathomed possible. And for some reason, she always looks freshly dead. Odd.
Honestly, without her husband, HBC would have no career and this section of my blog could be filled with such topics as Highlights Magazine's 'Timbertoes', or even perhaps some prose about harmonicas. Sadly, you wont get anything about the 'Toes, and perhaps even less on harmonicas. All you get are the Burtons - thanks Burtons, for boring the readers, and myself.
Chris Rock's mom waited 30 minutes at a Cracker Barrel restaurant without being served by a waiter. Quite naturally, she's claiming that she was being discriminated against and is preparing a lawsuit against the chain. Also quite naturally, the Reverend Al Sharpton has become involved, by agreeing to finance the suit. Honestly, one time I waited an hour and a half at a Olive Garden before getting food. Was that because they hated white people? Yes, actually thats exactly the reason they didn't get our food to us faster. I hope Chris Rock uses some of this story in his material, because its too funny to be taken seriously.
ATTENION ALL: Write me a three sentence composition on why Fight Club is a good movie and I will post your composition here. I don't like the movie and I am trying to see if people can convince me otherwise.
Heather Mills is accusing Sir Paul McCartney of abusing her during their ill-fated marriage. Apparently four times during their relationship, he "abused her". One time, she alleges, he went as far as to stab her with a piece of broken glass.
Heather Mills: We're getting divorced. Lawyer: For any reason? HM: Well, I dont think he likes me much. Lawyer: Thats not a good reason. HM: And he's rich. I could use that cash. Lawyer: Again, you cant make much of a case with that. HM: Once he stabbed me with broken glass. Lawyer: ... HM: And he threw a space shuttle at my head. Lawyer: ... HM: It narrowly missed and left quite a mark on our dining room table. Lawyer: Leave. HM: But what about the guillotine? Lawyer: Leave. Now.
Sorry Heather, you're an idiot. Everyone knows. You dont just announce your divorce and as soon as things look bad for you, you tack on some outlandish claims. The abuse would have been the claim from the start! Gosh.
Scarlett Johansson, Academy Award™ Winner for 'The Island' (for which Michael Bay and his team won over 205 other Academy Awards™), is preparing to record an album...of songs by Tom Waits. Im not kidding. Boobs is actually planning on recording an album of Tom Waits songs. First off, nobody likes Tom Waits. People wait (pun) around for him to write a song, so someone else can cover it (Rod Stewart), so we can immediately ignore it. How this album is a good idea is beyond me. If she sings anything like she did in 'Lost In Translation', we're in for a real treat.
The Society for International Hockey Research reports that Montreal Canadien Guillaume Latendresse is the first NHL player to wear the number 84. Even if he does nothing in his professional career, at least he'll have that.
Today I am taking a business trip to Maine. In my preparations, I found myself at the homepage for the Transportation Security Administration. In addition to telling me that I could bring a liquid padded bra onto any flight, they also gave me this gem:
Well done, TSA, well done. It seems our government doesn't really understand what it means to do something by accident...
Rosamund Pike, a Bond girl in 'Die Another Day', had a great time on the publicity tour for the film, especially when in Japan. When discussing Halle Berry,
"They referred to her as 'Hairy Belly' which we all thought was hilarious. She was not amused at all."
I can only imagine how frustrated Halle got after that. Halle: You people have to stop calling me that! Japanese Press: No, its your name, isn't it? Hairy Belly? Halle: Halle! JP: Hairy! Halle: Berry! JP: Belly! Halle: I'm taller than you, do as I say! JP: No! Halle: I insist you obey my commands! JP: No! We saw 'Catwoman' and want payback. You are Hairy Belly now and forevermore!
In Disney news, author J.K. Rowling has signed a letter of intent do to some sort of business with the Walt Disney Company. Rumors have this intent leading down a path to some sort of Harry Potter themed ride at one of the Disney Parks. Also, Disney has been in contact with Peter Jackson's Weta development studio, for either animation work or theme park rides. I'll keep yall posted, yo.
My good friend Evan, whom I, at 7 or so, called a son of a bitch in his driveway and was promptly chased out it, reminded me of the epic tale of one Darrne Sherman, J-Dater extraordinaire. I think this is one of the greatest tales of all time, right up there with that story that simply wouldnt ever end except after the 2nd one because people were tired of seeing a flying dog beast. Darren Sherman is a hero in the eyes of all those who just want $50 bucks. (There are audio files at the bottom.)
Heres a fun game I just made up: The next time you see a Lunesta commercial, grab a shot glass and a strong beverage. Everytime the chick (or Patrick Stewart, I think) says Lunesta, take a shot. You'll be pretty smashed when those 45 seconds are up. If anyone can get an accurate count of "Lunestas" said in that ad, you'll win my adoration for 30 seconds. Ready? Go.
Isn't that picture great? Patrick Stewart without a body is definitely worth more than Patrick Stewart with a body. Well done, Patrick!
Rex Carey and some Construction Site Debris - October 11th, 2006
Have you ever noticed that women named Lisa tend look like Lisa's? (Important note: this does not apply to men who are named Lisa, as they very rarely look like they should be named Lisa. Actually, for some reason, Skeet Ulrich seems like Lisa material.) In fact, I can tell you if your name is Lisa just by looking at you. I bet I'm the only one who feels that way, but if I'm not and for some reason you agree, give me a shout.
I should point out the exceptions to this rule, as apparently every rule has an exception or two. Lisa Simpson and the famed subject in da Vinci's 'Mona Lisa', in my opinion, are named improperly. They should be named Olivia and Sally, respectively.
Chevrolet finally (finally!) gave up on Bob Seger's 'Like A Rock', telling reporters "What, you didn't like that song? Shit, our bad." After a miserable thirteen years (I remember disliking it when I first heard it, back in '93), we no longer have to be subjected to Bob Seger's screeching as we see a Chevy Silverado climbing majestically over a pile of construction site debris. I'm sure you're all incredibly sad to hear that. Construction site debris(es), ha, all over the country are rejoicing.
Page Six has coverage of a female who reportedly bedded Keith Olbermann and chooses to tell the world (or whomever is listening) via her blog what exactly its like after an evening with 'his Olber-ness'. (Trust me, you don't want to know what he says. I find it hilarious that he would say what he did, and rather directly showcase how much of an ass he is, but its also unnecessary to read...at any time...ever. If you dare, I wish you luck, and may God have mercy on your soul.)
Apple will be adding at least two major movie studios to their iTunes store roster just after the Christmas season. Why not before? The studios want one last run of Christmastime DVD sales before selling the same product cheaper online. Its always about money, yo.
Speaking of Christmas and my friend Andy, in what appears to be the greatest news story in a long, long while, the house that the classic 'A Christmas Story' was filmed in is set to be opened to the public as a museum of awesomeness. So applaud yourself and be happy, Cleveland, Ohio. You finally have something to make up for the whole Drew Carey thing!
Attention, attention: Fergie-Ferg will now be referred to as Rex Carey, because she is a man...with a biker name. That will be all.
In "I swear I'm going to throw up" news, the Chicago White Sox have agreed to start their home games at 7:11pm, because of a three year agreement (for an as of yet undisclosed sum) with the 7-11 convenience store chain. Hey White Sox: why do you insist on making people hate you? I mean honestly - first, AJ "Please Hit Me In The Face" Pierzynski, and now this? You guys suck!
I'd like to point out that the picture above was taken on the White Sox' "Halfway to St. Patrick's Day game". How does that not make you want to throw up? Tell me.
Andy submitted two stories today. That means Andy is in line to win the first ever Tommentater of the week honor, or as I will call it, the Royal 'Tater Award Keep fighting people, you may make the cut. Who knows what the Royal Tater Award gets at this point; I'll try to figure that out soon. dig.
I have been amazingly busy lately. That isnt to say that what I've been busy with is amazing, but I digress.
BODY DOUBLE ALERT! Milo Ventimiglia and Little Nicky? (Thanks Jamie!)
A couple in Kenya have been sentenced to eighteen months in prison because they had sex in a mosque. In related news, October 6th was Tom Cruise day in Japan! Yay!
My sister Beth brings up a good point: "In the age of seedless watermelon, tangelos and other engineered produce, why haven't they made a better orange? By better, I mean one that has some kind of strap so I can open it? I just had one and it was like fort knox!"
I agree. Lets get a petition (email tommentary@gmail.com) started so we can make a better orange not only for me, but for the entire world!
Ok, apparently theres some news about Brad Pitt, the country of India, and a rickshaw, but to be honest, nobody really cares anyway right? Moving on...
Entertainment Weekly's 5th film on their list of the top ten "great" movies their readers cant stand is none other than 'The Blair Witch Project'. Come on EW, nobody ever thought that movie was great. Nobody. (Though I'm sure if you like snot you probably liked the film... Number 1 was 'American Beauty'. Sigh.)
Go see 'The Science of Sleep' or I will punch you really hard. Like, really hard. It will probably hurt for a bit.
Right here, thats where. Only here is not the here it used to be. Here is now over there, which is close to here, but further away and more busy-like. So, in sum, I will be withholding my wisdom from the world for today. Im sure you'll all survive.
Here is a photo of my favorite Brandon Bird painting.
Some guy running for Senator in Tennessee broke the politicians oath of lying to people after being elected, by lying to people before being elected. Harold Ford, Jr. took the bar exam in 1997 and failed. This, however, hasn't stopped him from claiming to be a lawyer, and from having George Bush call refer to him as one. Now, the latter we can write off, but the former? Whats the deal? You wont win if you lie before you get in office Harold, its like an unwritten law. I mean, come on.
In other somewhat-related-to-the-show-'Roseanne' news, the former son of Clark W. Griswold, Johnny Galecki, is being accused of fathering a son by a woman he claims never to have met. His lawyers statement? “It looks like she was looking to get hold of someone and maybe was watching TV one night and saw him and thought, ‘He looks like a good choice.'" Surprising because of all the 'Roseanne' alum, I would have figured she'd go for -
Ok, I was going to make a joke there but I no longer will. RIP Glenn Quinn
Shouldnt the word Hawaiian have three I's? The state is Hawaii, not Hawai.
So I hate the show "7th Heaven" because they've used the storyline that a $20 credit card debt is worth kicking a family member out of said family, but now I feel kinda bad. This article describes the ish they have to deal with this season. Since being resurrected from the tv wasteland that all WB exiles go to (most television programs end up in a much better place), "The 7", as I call it, has undergone a transformation that would even make Carson blush (something which, I'm assuming, isn't all that difficult to begin with). Their budget cut almost completely in half, they can no longer afford to have the two Camden parents in three of the season's episodes. You see, they're stuck because there is no phrase about a 5th heaven or even, if pressed, a 6th heaven.
Actually, who am I kidding, I don't feel all that bad.
Big ups to Dina for showing me an article about the Philadelphia Park Casino and their sincere appreciation for waitresses with spirit fingers. Somewhere, Eliza Dushku is smiling...
Hi, I'm Jesse Bradford. I think I'm better than you, even though I'm really not. Go watch 'Clockstoppers', I'm going to go talk to a Gyllenhaal.
Important People on a Tuesday, None of Which are Idiots - October 3rd, 2006
Today I will honor important people. I'd like to thank:
Dave Grohl for the music video 'Big Me', which is one of the best videos I've ever seen.
Whomever decided to sour cream and onion potato chips. Although they leave me scrambling for a curiously strong mint afterward, I still love them. So thank you sour cream and onion potato chipper. Well done.
Also, whomever invented brunch, for combining two fantastic things, breakfast and lunch, into a meal of such grandeur that proper adjectives do not exist to describe it. Amazing. Thanks brunch inventor.
The people who invented Jenna Jameson.
Mr. Elias Howe, who, in 1846, invented the sewing machine. I'd be naked without you Eli, naked. The people at my office thank you as well.
BODY DOUBLE ALERT! Elias Howe and Gene Simmons?
Colonel Sanders, for his little tie thing. It makes me laugh. Well done Colonel, well done.
Whomever founded Target.
Whomever took this picture.
and lastly, Jerry Seinfeld.
Here are a few assorted thoughts for you...
Continuing with the pattern of weird mortgage ads on major websites, heres one from CNN.com. What the g?!
Boston police have a warrant to arrest Bobby Brown. Scary thought: someone actually wants to see Bobby Brown. Chills - i just got chills.
The Blue Jays aren't willing to spend money on centerfielder Vernon Wells, who single handledly beat my beloved Sox on a number of occasions. Everytime he plays the Sox, he usually hits between two and 300 homeruns. The Sox will be ready for him after next season as a replacement for Coco Crisp, who would be every bit as disappointing even as a cereal.
Here is a picture of Michelle Rodriguez that will, in all likelihood, put the wheels in motion for a joke, a little further down this page.
BODY DOUBLE ALERT! Michelle Rodriguez and Ugly Betty?
Want to hear something strange? Gary Cole and Jimmy Smits were the second choices for the leads in the 'Miami Vice' television series. Yeah, you're not going to have to come in on Saturday, we hired Don Johnson and some other dude. Thanks.
The city of Berlin, New Jersey is going crazy because apparently theres a phantom cougar roaming the area. A picture of a cat, albeit a large one, has the region in an uproar, and has even incited Tom Brown, Jr. (Guy, extraordinaire) to go looking for said beast. In two hours, Brown found a pawprint and some hair before retiring to a boy scout camp to admit that "the evidence is inconclusive." New Jersey has never been so exciting.
Their cougar hunt is not the same as this cougar hunt.
If you get the cougar picture joke, please write to me at tommentary@gmail.com, and restore my faith in humankind. I'm serious, write to me and tell me you get it. Seriously. Nah, I'm only kidding.
Really, I'm not. I was just kidding that I was kidding, for the record.
The whole deal with 'Survivor' separating the tribes based on ethnicity has ended with a quiet thud. Apparently, just two episodes in, they mixed the tribes and turned it into a mini-America. No word on if they're also making them pay FICA.
Now this one i'll have to help out with. Thats a ficus benjamina plant. Ficus is close to FICA, and benjamina is close to benjamins, yo. I am impressive. Take note of that.
Anyone else think its weird that NBC's football drama 'Friday Night Lights' is being aired on Tuesday nights?
